Why does a whisper cry?

Why does a whisper cry?

We held on long in the years of our endless love but time didn't go on.
Hearts broke and pain set in like the blade of a knife.
For what I thought was right didn't match in your eyes.
And feelings were on the table.

We had the passion; the flame of fire love but still something didn’t click in your mind.
Was it the soft whisper that came from the blue, did it scare you away?

With this deep hole of endless miles down, I wonder if it was.
The soft whisper of words spoken so true and from the heart…
I wonder…
Did that scare you away from my arms of love?

I won’t take back what I said for I meant every word out of my mouth and still to this day I do.
You meant the world to me and more.
You were like of a small rose growing in my heart and me holding you there watching you grow bigger and brighter every day, and with every kiss I fell in love more.

But how…how can my whisper cry?

You asked so many times how I felt and now that the whisper is in the wind you knew.
And this is what I get, lost with an empty heart.

To hell with you and so may darkness of the devil travel with you forever.
For my whisper was with love and the words for you were I love you.
And now I see how it is to be.

This is how my whisper cries and it cries still, wishing it didn't come out, wishing it just stayed inside my heart.

Forever now will I fear that I will walk the alone streets in this world traveling without knowing if what I said made you go or was it more.

I’ll still have you, in my heart forever where there is a place made just for you.
And even if we do not see or hold or love anymore there will be forever that place where I can go and you will be there. 
For even if the whisper made you cry. I have not and will not stop loving you.
Will not forever.
But will I ever whisper again…

By

Troy Bowden

My Death

My Death

                I can finally see. God it felt like a dream, but where am I? All I can remember is the screaming of the brakes and a bright flash. Now I’m in this room and all I hear are beeping sounds and faint talking. There is something wrong but I can’t pin point what it is yet. I’m glad I’m alive; it must have been hell for my lover. God please let my lover be ok, please let nothing bad happen to my love. Slowly I’m starting to remember more.

                The road was wet and it was at night my lover was driving holding my hand with the free arm. I remember laughing over a joke that was said and then terror happened. My thinking at that point is faded; still all I can remember clearly is like I said the screaming of the brakes.  I can hear soft crying in my beeping room. What is wrong I wonder? Why can’t I move my eyes? Why can’t I move at all! Oh God No!

I can’t move!

Oh God No…No…NO!!

              Come on you can do it move your foot… nothing. Move your eyes… nothing but I can see out of them. I can see and hear. HELP ME! Please GOD HELP ME! There is something in my mouth I can feel that. I can feel, I can see, I can hear but I can’t move. I can hear a machine beeping again getting faster. Something or someone just pasted my sight. Hello… HELLO!!! Help me please. Please help me I’m alive, I’m not dead. I’m here I’m right here… GOD PLEASE LET SOMEONE HEAR!! This can’t be happening to me. Relax I’m sure they don’t think your dead your just badly hurt from the accident that’s all. I can still hear the soft but faint crying in the room.

 

Someone in white has come in.

“There is nothing more we can do, I’m sorry”

WHAT!

“Are you sure doctor?”

Oh my love, finally. I’m sure my love can see that I’m alive and not dead.

“Yes there is no more activity in the brain. Your love is brain dead”

NO I’M NOT!! I’m alive…Please I’m alive. My brain is not dead!

Honey please, please look at me I’m ALIVE! My love looks, oh thank god.

“But I can see life in those eyes Doctor”

“It’s just the machines that are given the life that is all. All test show that your lover is brain dead”

LIKE HELL I AM!!

“Please Doctor give me some time alone”

“Take all the time you need”

The Doctor leaves out of my view.

 

                Please my love; please see that I’m not dead. I’m alive; I’m not as they say I am. I love you please don’t do what I think they are asking. I’m scared please I’m scared of dying. Please don’t end me like this. I wanted to grow old with you to see our children grow and be happy. I want to be by your side in life and in our death but not like this. Please see into my eyes there is life there. Oh God please show my love that I’m alive. Move something… Move anything… nothing is listening to me I’m stuck. I can see the pain to your eyes. I know you love me and I can tell what you are thinking… please don’t go there… please for me don’t go there.

 The beeping goes faster and I see you gaze to the machine. Yes my love that is my heart I’m making it go faster because I’m alive not dead. No… No don’t cry I’m alive. My lover has so much pain in those eyes. What are you doing? Don’t reach for the machine! No! No! Don’t kill me!

The beeping stops.

NO!...NO!...NO!

MOVE SOMETHING DAM YOU!

 

My finger, my finger I can feel it tapping under the sheet. Look my love… look my finger! Stop gazing into my eyes and look at my finger. Please stop your crying and look… I’m alive… I’m alive.

 

I’m scared God. I’m scared, I’m dying and this is my death.

My love why?

I love you, and you’ve killed me.

 

                I can feel my heart slowing down. I hope my life mattered and that I’ve made people happy in my life. I hope I’ve touched others and made them a better person. I hope I’ve made my lover happy for you have made me happy. I can’t go into the next world being mad at you. You couldn’t hear me or see me move. It’s not your fault.

It’s hard to think now… all thoughts of my life are hitting my mind in fast recall. Thoughts of holidays, families, friends of old and new everything hitting me at once. I’m still scared.

I can feel you holding my hand.

…

By

Troy Bowden

Nov 12, 2012

 

 

 

Silver Rose

Silver Rose

How many times must I cry?

How long will it take for me to see the truth?

The walk of my path, somehow, one day showed me what you really are to me.

Emotions are lost pieces in wrong blocks in my mind so I can't tell what I'm feeling.

Living without you; not knowing of your kiss. Crying without you so I see I'm alone.

I'm empty I'm not one...you... you are the one I need. For I know I'm blind not to see this sooner.

For I know that's why you don't see me now.

But as for some reason I know you'll see these words sometime in life I hope.

And if you read my words please understand that I'm sorry... that I was wrong.

Blinded not to see the love I have for you.

And now I know.

I was cut by the thorn of a silver rose and my blood made it red once again to see how much you mean to me and my soul.

I love you and those words are true and I hold this rose to give to you.

By Troy David Bowden

The Fighter

The Fighter

 Before the Revolution

(The anger builds)

 Rise up, never give in! Never let them bring you down to their hatred. They have an evil understanding of our love. They just think single mindedly and will never know what true love and true caring and true understanding is. They are the evil people of the world the haters of the underworld the walkers of the dead.

 Move on before you feel my sword, my fire blade aiming right for your heart. We will not fall to your way of thinking. It’s our way! Our decision on who we love and give ourselves to. You and your army have zero say in our way of life. March away before the war starts, for we have an army of our own.

Bear watch as the army of the people rise to destroy your ruling of the old. Watch as we crush your rules and laws. Watch as we rise up to your guards to show the world no more!

 

 Our Lexington

(One death heard around the world)

              You fell in my arms because of our love because of the passion we have…dam them. “Dam you! Dam you to hell!” I can’t let your sacrifice go unanswered. Our people are with us my dying love. They saw you fall in my arms and the crying of unjust is sweeping the lands. I will love you always and in my heart, there will never be another. I will fight with all my soul, with all my love. We came to this place to work on peace and understanding but now I see the true intentions.  I draw this sword to stop the single minded. To stop the blockers of true love and I hope I wipe there blood from my sword on a daily basis.

 

Your darkness is red with blood

(To many to kill)

             Cold morning arises; the hooves hit the mud as the march slowly moves forward. A horn blowing in the distance indicating the enemy is near and at hand. Slowly I draw my sword and let it hang knowing that soon blood will run down its steel. Faster the hooves hit the ground and the pace picks up. Faster my heart beats knowing this can be my last stand. My last stand, to show that who I love and who I care for makes and means nothing to the haters. This is my fight my show. I lead this army of the future to show that tyranny can live no more. Faster we go; I can hear the enemy closing in fast. The moving of my steed and rise of the upcoming battle is all the fuel I need to honor my fallen love. I raise my sword for the first victim is in sights. I strike and the blood frees from my enemies neck dropping the soul to the ground. I swing my blade in an arc over my head and down another. Cries scream out of the fallen and I don’t care its revenge leading my blade now.

Darkness covers the sky as the sound of buzzing fills the air. They fly in like needles of death…arrows. Many fall and many more will die, them included. I watch friends of mine fall and give last looks into my eyes. With their fall adds rage and hate, my sword jumps forward driving the blade in the skull of a hater. More of the enemy has fallen, but not enough… not enough for me.

 

Genius

(In the beginning)

 The horn of the many fallen blows and the enemy runs and retreats.  This is not the end but a small victory to show them. To show that we are here and that we are going nowhere.  We are the start of how the world should be.  We are the leaders of the new, the teachers that will raise up our children to accept and respect, to love and never hate. You got a taste of what is the outcome if you cross us and I’m sure there will be many more. I’m not done with you, for you killed my love and that isn’t a pain that I can let go. I’m sure there will be peacekeepers and ones with strong and heavy heads that can lead this new way of life forward but I’m just a fighter. And I will not let what happened to me happen to anyone else. I’ll fight the way you think, I’ll fight for what is right. I’ll stand up to you and your army anywhere that it may bring up its banners of war.

 

I am the fighter.

 By

Troy Bowden

Nov 9, 2012

Finding

Finding

Do I myself know what love is?

Can I try and tell you, that you and only you will I will ever love.

Love for you is all I have but still what is it?

Many of times I would wake up and see you, just looking at you I would get an emotion of what I can't say or I don't know.

This emotion would just fill me as I watch you sleep in my arms.

It would be like something warm would come over me and everyone in the world was gone and it would just be us.

Us the only two left in the world.

Us and nothing else mattered.

I would always smile just watching you and being so careful not to wake you.

You mean so much to me more than the world and you have all my heart and every emotion is for you.

I can't see us not as one.

I can't see us apart.

Is this the answer, did I find what love is?

Yes I did it's you.

By

Troy Bowden

Vows

VOWS

I take you forever to be my wife.

To have and to love.

To give you a kiss when you cry.

And to love you till the day I die.

I will hold you in my arms and say I love you every night.

I will be there for you when you are sad or sick.

And will I treasure you in the night.

I will have you when I'm happy or when I'm not.

I will make love to you in God eyes.

For forever these vows I say yes to you.

Forever will I love you.

I do take your hand for the love to be my wife.

I do take your heart and place it with mine.

I'll make our love last the time.

I vow to you that every breath I take is for you.

That every dream I have you are there.

And I vow to hold you forever and love and care.

For forever these vows I say yes to you.

Forever will I love you.

Forever till death do us part.

For I vow my heart.

By

Troy David Bowden

Passion and Fire

Passion and Fire

In the end I will cry. In the beginning I will fear.

Fear for the love I have and the fire inside.

What will it do? What can happen?

Is the passion a dream or a pain.

I know in my heart I can love you.

Will the passion and fire control me?

Can I say yes to you?

I want you more then a dream and a wish.

Like a walk along a lake at night watching the stars hit the water.

I want you more then my life.

Can I say that. That I want a women more then my life?

The pain of this passion is unknown to anyone.

This is new to my world.

Like a drug was taken by me when I first met you and now this drug is the power over me.

Dreams of dreams and wishes of wishes you are.

And all in all you are the best thing in my life.

Write a book with me and start a new love.

Fill the book with our dreams and wishes.

And each new page will be a new day in love with you.

I can feel Gods hands on us as we walk in love.

A love so strong that walls will not hold it for our love can't be held.

Our love of passion and fire.

By

Troy D Bowden

The Marcher

The Marcher

 I march pass this love hoping that my defenses hold.

 My defenses are in place all my walls are up ready for your battle. I’ve lost this war before to unseen foes wanting nothing more to just destroy me… no more. I’ve given my heart and soul to spies and assassins and in the end I’ve lost. I can’t afford to lost again, there is nothing more left of me. The past enemies have cut and bled and left me to die. I cannot let you do the same to me.

I can’t look into your eyes.

I can’t let you near me.

 

I can’t let you crush my walls.

My past is nothing more than endless battles with only one causality, my heart. It hurts and is always in pain and I must be strong not to let the past win again. That is why I’m afraid to let you near and in. You say everything right but I’ve heard it before. You melt my heart when I look into your eyes. Your touch is a weapon that can and will destroy all walls that I have in place. You are a destroyer that is aiming for my heart… Can I let you win?

You say that you won’t hurt me.

You say that you love me.

You say…

In the past wars I’ve heard this all before.

I want to believe you. I don’t want a war in my heart. I want to have no walls and let you hold me and love me as you say you will. The history has shown me not to believe and not to let you in for given myself to you can only lead to pain as it always has before. I’m sorry.

I can’t give myself to you. You are perfect but I know that game and your tactics and what you really want from me. I have more to give you then just my body and I know you can’t and won’t accept that so I’ll march on past. For I know somewhere there is no war and peace will find my heart but it isn’t you.

You are the destroyer but my walls are strong.

So I’ll just march on past.

By

Troy D Bowden

Nov 2, 2012